CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

The next morning, she saw Mr Knightley pass by the window, and come towards her. She had not known he had returned from London, but she had just now been thinking of him. In half a minute they were together, and greeted each other nervously. Mr Knightley told her he had come to go on a walk with her. She thought he looked upset. Emma feared that he had told his brother of his plans for Harriet, and was upset with the response.

They walked together. He was silent. She thought he was often looking at her. Perhaps he wanted to speak to her about Harriet. With a forced smile, she began to speak:

"There has been some news in Highbury that will surprise you."

"If you mean Miss Fairfax and Frank Churchill, I have heard that already."

For a moment, the two said nothing. He then placed her hand in his and spoke:

"Time will heal your broken heart, my dearest Emma. He will soon be gone."

Emma understood him, and replied:

"You are very kind, but you are mistaken. I am only upset that I did not know of the secret earlier."

"Emma," cried he, looking at her eagerly, "You are sure that you are not upset with the news? You were not in love with him?

"Mr Knightley," said Emma, confused, "I must tell you that I was never in love with him. I never have been. I know they will be happy together," said Emma.

"He is a fortunate man," returned Mr Knightley.

"You speak as if you are jealous of him."

"I am jealous, Emma."

Emma could say no more. She knew he would soon begin to speak of Harriet. She was about to speak of another subject when Mr Knightley began:

"You do not ask me why I am jealous of Mr Churchill. Are you not curious? Emma, I must tell you why, but perhaps, you will not want to hear it."

"Oh, then, don't speak it, don't speak it," she eagerly cried. "Take a little time."

"Thank you," said he, sadly, and was silent.

Emma could not bear to see him in pain. He wanted her advice; she must listen. They arrived back home at that moment.

"You are going in, I suppose?" he asked.

"No," replied Emma, "I stopped you from speaking, Mr Knightley, and gave you pain. Please speak to me as a friend, or ask my opinion of anything, as a friend, indeed. I will hear whatever you like."

"As a friend!" repeated Mr Knightley. "Emma, that is not what I wish to be," he paused, nervously. "My dearest Emma," said he, "you will always be the dearest to me. Most beloved Emma, tell me, are you my most beloved?" She could really say nothing. "You are silent," he cried, "I will ask no more."

After a moment, he continued, "I cannot make speeches, Emma. If I loved you less, perhaps I could speak more. You hear the truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have listened. You understand me. You know my feelings, and will love me, too, if you can. At present, I ask only to hear your voice."

While he spoke, Emma was thinking of Harriet. She meant nothing to Mr Knightley, Emma herself was everything to him. She then felt for Harriet with pain and guilt. She then spoke to Mr Knightley. What did she say? A lady only speaks enough so he will say more himself. He had worried, but now was at ease.

He soon admitted that he had come to find out about her feelings towards Frank Churchill's engagement. He had not come to admit his love for her, but he was delighted to know that she felt nothing for Mr Churchill, and so he told her his secret feelings. When he had arrived, his mind had been anxious, but after half an hour, he was in perfect happiness.

Her feelings had changed, as well. In this half hour, each had the certainty of being loved and trusted. He had been jealous of Frank Churchill since his first arrival, so many months ago. He had been in love with Emma. At the Box Hill party, he had decided to go to London. He could not bear to see Frank Churchill and his beloved Emma together. He left to forget about his love. However, Isabella was too much like Emma, and he could not forget. He only loved her more. That morning, he received the news of Frank Churchill's engagement to Jane Fairfax. Then, with gladness, he returned to see her. When he returned, she seemed upset. Frank Churchill was evil, he thought. But then, Mr Knightley heard her declare that she had never loved him. She was now his own Emma.

(end of section)