Chapter 38 Mary and Diana return

1 It was near Christmas by the time all was settled, and the holiday season approached and I closed Morton School.

2 Mr Rivers came. I saw the classes, now numbering sixty girls, pass out before me. I locked the door and stood with the key in my hand, exchanging a few words with half a dozen of my best pupils.

3 'Do you consider that you have had your reward for a period of labour?' he asked, when they had gone. 'Would not a life given to the improvement of your race be well spent?'

4 'Yes,' I said, 'but I could not go on for ever so. I want to enjoy my own powers, as well as cultivate those of other people. I must enjoy them now: I am ready for a holiday. Don't remind me of school!'

5 He looked serious.

6 'What is this? What are you going to do?'

7 'To be active. I want you to let Hannah help me. Diana and Mary will be home in a week, and I want to have everything in order for their arrival.'

8 'I understand. I thought you were going off on some trip. Preparations in the house are all very well for the present, but I trust that later you will aim a little higher than housekeeping joys.'

9 Hannah and I worked hard. When the house had been well cleaned, I bought new furniture and carpets and spent a good deal of time in arranging them.

10 The great day came at last. Hannah and I were dressed and all was in readiness.

11 St John arrived first. He found me in the kitchen, watching the progress of some cakes baking for tea. Approaching the fire, he asked whether I was at last satisfied with servant's work. He then went away to the sitting room and began to read.

12 'They are coming! They are coming!' cried Hannah, throwing open the door. I ran out. The carriage had stopped at the gate. The driver opened the door, first one well-known form, then another, stepped out. They laughed, kissed me, then Hannah, and hastened into the house.

13 While the driver and Hannah brought in the luggage, they demanded St John. At this moment he advanced from the sitting room. They both threw their arms round his neck. He gave each one a quiet kiss, said in a low voice a few words of welcome, stood a short while to be talked to, and then returned to the sitting room.

14 The evening was a happy one. My cousins were full of talk, and their conversation filled up their brother's silence. He was sincerely glad to see them, but he could not join in their gaiety.

15 The whole of the following week must have tested his patience. It was Christmas week, and we were merry and unsettled. The freedom of home, the country air, the coming of good fortune, gave life to Diana and Mary, and they were gay from morning to night. St John kept away from us. He was seldom in the house, but found daily business in visiting the sick and poor in Morton.

16 As our happiness became calmer, we returned to our usual habits and regular studies. Mary drew, Diana read, and I worked at German. St John, who now stayed at home more, studied some strange language which was necessary for his future plans. Thus busy, he appeared quiet and fully occupied enough, but his blue eye had a habit of leaving the curious-looking grammar, and wandering over and fixing upon me. I wondered what it meant. I wondered, too, at the continual satisfaction that he showed at my weekly visit to Morton School. If the weather was unfavourable, and his sisters urged me not to go, he would always encourage me to do so. And when I returned, sometimes tired and wet from the rain, I never dared to complain, because I saw that this would annoy him.

17 One afternoon, however, I was allowed to stay at home, on account of a cold. His sisters had gone in my place. I sat translating; he sat working at his grammar. I found myself under the influence of his ever-watchful eye. It searched me through and through, sharply and coldly.

18 'Jane, what are you doing?'

19 'Learning German.'

20 'I want you to give up German and learn Hindustani.'

21 'You are not in earnest?'

22 'So much in earnest that I insist. I will tell you why.'

23 He then went on to explain that Hindustani was the language that he himself was studying at present, in preparation for going to India as a missionary. As he advanced, he tended to forget the beginning. It would help him greatly to have a pupil with whom he might again go over the first lessons, and fix them thoroughly in his mind. Would I do him this favour? I should not, perhaps, have to make the sacrifice for long, as he expected to be leaving in three months' time.

24 St John was not a man to be easily refused. One felt that everything he experienced, either of pain or pleasure, had a deep and permanent effect on him. I agreed.

25 I found him a very patient yet severe master. He expected me to do a great deal. Gradually he gained a certain influence over me that took away my freedom of mind. I could no longer laugh or talk freely when he was near: I was conscious that only serious thoughts and occupations were approved of. But I did not love my state of obedience, and I wished many times that he had continued to neglect me.