Chapter 31 Flight

1 Some time in the afternoon I raised my head, and looking round, asked myself: 'What am I to do?'

2 The answer my mind gave: 'Leave Thornfield at once,' was so immediate, so terrible, that I closed my ears to it. I could not do it. But then a voice within me repeated that I could and must. I struggled with my own determination. Conscience and passion fought until, tired out with suffering of mind and weak with hunger, I fell asleep.

3 It was soon after midnight that I rose, and taking nothing but my purse and a small bundle, went softly from my room. I would have gone past Mr Rochester's room without a pause, but my heart for a moment stopped its beat at the door, and my foot was forced to stop also. I heard him walking about restlessly inside. He would send for me in the morning. I should be gone. He would suffer, perhaps sink into despair. I hesitated, and then moved on.

4 From the kitchen I got some water and some bread. Without a sound I opened the door and passed outside.

5 A mile off, beyond the fields, lay a road which stretched in the opposite direction to Millcote, a road that I had never travelled along but often noticed. Towards this I directed my steps.

6 I walked on and on. The short summer night was nearly over, and birds began to sing in the hedges. Birds were faithful to their loves. And I? I was hateful to myself. Still, I could not turn back. God must have led me on. I was weeping wildly as I walked along, fast, fast, like one out of her mind. At last a weakness seized me, and I fell.

7 I lay on the ground for some minutes. I had some fear—or hope—that I should die, but I was soon up again, as determined as ever to reach the road.

8 When I got there, I heard wheels, and saw a coach coming along. I stopped it, and asked to be taken as far as the pound in my purse would pay for. The inside was empty. I entered, and the coach rolled on its way.