Chapter 26 Return to Thornfield

1 Mr Rochester had given me only one week's holiday, but a month passed before I left Gateshead. I wished to go immediately after the funeral, but my cousins urged me to stay until they had completed their own arrangements for leaving, Georgiana to her uncle's home in London, where she married soon afterwards, and Eliza to a religious house in France, where she later became a nun.

2 My journey seemed very long, and my mind was not at rest. I was returning to Thornfield, but how long was I going to remain there? I had heard from Mrs Fairfax that the party at the Hall had ended, and Mr Rochester had left for London, probably to make arrangements for his wedding, as he talked of buying a new carriage. He was expected back shortly.

3 I had not told Mrs Fairfax the exact date of my return, as I did not wish the carriage to meet me at Millcote. I proposed to walk the distance quietly by myself, taking an old road through fields. It was a mild summer evening, and the haymakers were at work all along the way.

4 I walked on till I had only a field or two still to cross. The hedges were full of wild roses, but I had no time to gather any. I wanted to be at the house. I passed a tall bush; I saw the narrow stile with stone steps; and I saw Mr Rochester sitting there, a book and pencil in his hand; he was writing.

5 For the moment I was unable to move. I did not think I should tremble in this way when I saw him, nor lose my voice in his presence. I wanted to go back and enter the house by another way; but I could not move. Then it was useless, because he had seen me.

6 'Ah!' he cried, and he put down his book and pencil. 'There you are! Come on, if you please!'

7 I came on, doing my best to appear calm.

8 'And is this Jane Eyre? Have you come from Millcote, and on foot? Yes ... just one of your tricks, to come softly along to your home in the twilight, as if you were a dream or a spirit. What have you been doing this last month?'

9 'I have been with my aunt, sir, who is dead.'

10 'A truly Jane-like reply! Good spirits be my guard! She comes from the other world ... from the land of the dead! If I dared, I'd touch you, to see if you are substance or shadow. Unfaithful!' he added, when he had paused for an instant. 'Absent for a whole month, and quite forgetting me, I'll swear!'

11 He did not leave the stile, and I hardly liked to ask to go by. I inquired soon whether he had not been to London.

12 'Yes, I suppose Mrs Fairfax has told you the reason. You must see the carriage, Jane, and tell me if it won't suit Mrs Rochester exactly. I wish, Jane, that I were more of a match for her in appearance. Tell me now, you witch ... can't you give me a charm to make me a good-looking man?'

13 'It would be beyond the power of magic, sir.' And in thought I added, 'A loving eye is all the charm needed. To such you are good looking enough, or rather, your severity has a power beyond beauty.'

14 Mr Rochester had sometimes read my unspoken thoughts with a quickness that I did not understand. In the present case, he took no notice of my sharp words, but he smiled at me with a certain smile that he had of his own, and which he used only on rare occasions. It was the real sunshine of feeling.

15 'Pass, Jane,' he said, making room for me to cross the stile. 'Go up home, and rest.'

16 All I had to do now was to obey him in silence. I got over the stile without a word and meant to leave him calmly. But some force caused me to turn round, and I said, in spite of myself:

17 'Thank you, Mr Rochester, for your great kindness. I am strangely glad to get back again to you. Where you are, is my home.'

18 I walked on so fast that even he could hardly have followed me if he had tried. Little Adèle was half wild with delight when she saw me. Mrs Fairfax received me with her usual plain friendliness, and even the servants smiled. This was very pleasant: it was the first time in my life that I had experienced the joy of coming home.

19 Two weeks of calm followed my return to Thornfield, Nothing was said of my master's marriage, and I saw no preparations going on for such an event. One thing especially surprised me, and that was that there were no journeyings backwards and forwards, no visits to Ingram Park. Nor could I ever remember the time when my master's face had been so cheerful. If, in the moments I and my pupil spent with him, I looked unhappy, he became even gay. Never had he called me more frequently to his presence, and ah! never had I loved him so well.