Chapter 15 Conversation with Mr Rochester

1 For several days I saw little of Mr Rochester. In the mornings he seemed much occupied with business, and in the afternoon gentlemen from the neighbourhood called and sometimes stayed to dine with him. When his foot was well enough, he rode out a good deal.

2 During this time, even Adèle was seldom sent for to his presence, and all my knowledge of him was limited to an occasional meeting about the house, when he would sometimes pass me coldly, and sometimes bow and smile. His changes of manner did not offend me, because I saw that I had nothing to do with the cause of them.

3 One day after dinner a message came that I and Adèle were to go downstairs. We did so, with Adèle wondering whether the little box that she had been promised had come at last. She was not disappointed. It stood on the dining room table.

4 'My box of presents!' she exclaimed, running towards it.

5 'Yes, there is the box. Take it into a corner and amuse yourself,' said the deep and rather scornful voice of Mr Rochester. 'And keep quiet, do you understand?'

6 Adèle had already seized her treasure.

7 'Is Miss Eyre there?' the master now demanded, half rising from his seat to look round. 'Come forward, and be seated here.' He drew a chair near to his own.

8 'I am not fond of children's talk,' he continued. 'Don't draw that chair farther back. Sit down exactly where I placed it—if you please, I mean. I forget these politenesses. Nor do I much care for simple-minded old ladies. However, I must invite mine in, I suppose.'

9 He rang the bell for Mrs Fairfax, and asked her to talk to Adèle.

10 Mr Rochester, as he sat in his armchair, looked not quite so severe, and much less gloomy. There was a smile on his lips, and his eyes were bright, probably with wine.

11 He had been looking for two minutes at the fire, and I had been looking for the same length of time at him, when, turning suddenly, he caught my eyes fixed on his face.

12 'You examine me, Miss Eyre,' be said. 'Do you think I am good looking?'

13 The answer somehow slipped from my tongue before I realised it:

14 'No, sir.'

15 'Ah! Certainly there is something unusual about you!' he said. 'You have the appearance of a little nun, quiet, simple, serious, yet when one asks you a question, you have a sharp answer ready. What do you mean by it?'

16 'Sir, I spoke too freely. I beg your pardon. I ought to have replied that not all tastes are the same, that beauty is not important, or something of that sort.'

17 'You ought to have replied no such thing. Beauty not important, indeed! Go on! What fault do you find with me, may I ask?'

18 'Mr Rochester, I made a mistake.'

19 'Well, you shall pay for it. Criticise me. Does my forehead not please you? Now, ma'am, am I a fool?'

20 'Far from it, sir. You would, perhaps, think me rude if I inquired in return whether you are a kind-hearted man?'

21 'Another sharp answer! No, young lady, I am not—not in general: but I have a conscience. I once had a certain tenderness of heart, when I was young. But life has knocked me about since then, and now I am hard—except, perhaps, in one or two small places. Would you say that there was any hope of my losing my hardness?'

22 I did not know what answer to make.

23 'You look very puzzled, Miss Eyre. Although you are not pretty, any more than I am good looking, a puzzled expression suits you. Besides, it is convenient, as it keeps those searching eyes of yours away from my face. Young lady, I feel conversational tonight. That is why I sent for you. It would please me now to learn more about you—therefore, speak.‘

24 I sat and said nothing.

25 'You are silent, Miss Eyre.' He bent his head, and looked at my face. 'Ah! You are annoyed. Miss Eyre, I beg your pardon. I expressed myself in a stupid manner. I desire that you will have the goodness to talk to me a little now.'

26 'I am willing to amuse you, if I can, sir, but how do I know what subject will interest you? Ask me questions, and I will do my best to answer them.'

27 'Then, in the first place, do you agree that I have the right to be a little commanding, as I am old enough to be your father, and have had a wide experience of life?'

28 'I don't think, sir, that you have a right to command me for such a reason. Your claim to such an advantage depends on the use that you have made of your time.'

29 'That would never suit my case, as I have made bad use of it. But will you still agree to receive my orders now and then, without being hurt by the voice of command?'

30 I smiled.

31 'The smile is very well,' he said, catching the passing expression, 'but speak, too.'

32 'I was thinking, sir, that very few masters would trouble themselves to inquire whether they hurt the feelings of those whom they paid for their services.'

33 'Ah! I had forgotten! I pay for your services! Well, for that reason, will you allow me to be a little commanding?'

34 'No, sir, not for that reason. But because you did forget it, and because you care about the feelings of those whom you employ, I agree willingly.'

35 'I shake hands with you for your answer. Not three out of three thousand schoolgirl-governesses would have replied as you have done. I don't mean to praise you: if you are different from others, it is through no virtue of yours—Nature did it. And then, I don't know you well. You may have unbearable faults as well as your few good points.'

36 'And so may you,' I thought. My eye met his as the idea passed through my mind. He seemed to read the look.

37 'You are right,' he said. 'I have plenty of faults. My past is not blameless. I was put on the wrong path when I was twenty-one, and have never got back to the right one since. I envy you your peace of mind, your clean conscience, your pure memories.'

38 'It is never too late to mend, sir.'

39 'What is the use of thinking of it? As happiness is forbidden me, I have a right to get pleasure out of life.'

40 'It will taste bitter, sir.'

41 'Do you never laugh, Miss Eyre? Don't trouble to answer—I see that you laugh seldom, yet you could be naturally merry. The Lowood discipline still remains with you, controlling your features, and you fear, in the presence of a man, to smile too gaily, speak too freely, or move too quickly. Yet I think you will learn to be natural with me. I see at times the look of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of a cage. You are going now?'

42 'It has struck nine, sir.'

43 'Never mind, wait a minute. Adèle is not ready to go to bed yet. I have been watching her. About ten minutes ago she pulled out of her box a little pink silk dress. Joy lit up her face, and she rushed off to try it on. Soon she will return, looking exactly like her mother.'

44 Before long, Adèle's little feet were heard crossing the hall. She entered, dancing.

45 'Doesn't my dress look nice?' she cried, in French. 'And my shoes and stockings?'

46 Mr Rochester looked at her with scorn.

47 'Some day I'll explain her story,' he said. 'Good night.'