Me, Stuart, Mum and Dad

On Saturday, I introduced my parents to Stuart. After he'd left I went back into the kitchen to ask my parents what they thought of him. Perhaps I'm old fashioned, or maybe I'm just looking for criticism, but I always like my parents to meet my boyfriends. I think it's good for both parties. If nothing else, it enables me to see the guy from a different point of view and it tells me whether I'm onto a good thing or not.

Boys tend to divide into two categories where my parents are concerned. They either shrink into themselves and leave me to do the talking, or else they'll be really outgoing and confident and stand up well to the interrogation. On the whole I like the second type best, especially those who aren't afraid to give their own opinions. I haven't subjected many shy ones to the torture, because I like boys who have something to say for themselves, and anyway, it's embarrassing.

Stuart definitely falls into category two. He's very outspoken, offensive even, and he'll argue about anything just for the sake of arguing. He also criticizes, and with my parents he picked on private education. My sister's at a private school and he challenged my parents on it. I thought my mother was going to die on the spot. Still, he likes his opinions to be known and I don't think he really upset anyone.

Although he was a bit rude to my parents, I didn't feel angry with him, because, as I said, I like people to be confident in that way, and also because, for some perverse reason, I like it if my parents don't like the people I associate with. I'm not quite sure why I feel like this, perhaps I unconsciously try to widen the gap between my parents and me. I do, I think, do things which I know they disapprove of because it makes me feel more free from them. My parents represent everything that is ordinary about life, and I want to be different from them. I'll probably grow out of it.

I'm not saying that I'm entirely motivated by a desire to displease my parents, but it does come into a lot of things, for instance I go on a lot of political demonstrations. I don't just go to annoy them. I believe very strongly in the causes, but it's a way of showing my parents that I can look after myself. I like the feeling that I have a voice of my own, and that hundreds of people share my opinions. The last march I went on was in October, and it was the biggest ever in Britain. It'll go down in history and I was there. That's really fantastic, a lovely feeling of power.

But I'm getting off the subject, Stuart and my mother and father, ma and pa or whatever.

They didn't actively dislike him, but they kind of warned me about him. They said not to take anything he said too seriously, especially his political views. That annoyed me because I like to feel that nobody influences me, especially someone like Stuart. (I have always been slightly suspicious of people who are completely, in every respect, radically left-wing. I don't think they ever consider their ideas and their implications properly.) Anyway, I told my parents that nobody influences me, but I know it was a lie because every person you're close to influences you in some way, especially when you're young and the other person is like Stuart, a very strong character.

They were careful not to be too critical. They hedged delicately and did not mention anything which I would say was irrelevant (like his appearance). Although they didn't like his views, I think, in a way, they liked how he talked. He's very articulate and I know he's clever.

So they'll let me carry on seeing him, and like everything else, he'll be an escape for me, he'll stand for what I'd like to be. I don't admire his principles and motives, but I admire his courage because I can never really break away from my comfortable, safe, boring family. If I associate with people who have broken away, do things that they do, maybe I'll convince someone that I am different. Maybe one day I'll really get away. But I'll more likely just, as I said, grow out of it. I'll probably get married, have kids, and I'll watch them and try to shelter them the way my parents do for me. But maybe they'll be all right. Perhaps they'll be the ones that change the world and all that. We've got the right ideas but we haven't got the will power. It's not important enough. Perhaps my kids will be different. I hope so. Be cause I just don't care.