What Attracts One to Another

What attracts you to certain individuals? Their looks? Their personality? Their sense of humor? Why is it that two people who are very similar may not be attractive to each other? It is not always easy to explain why some people are attracted to others. Two people might be attracted to the same individual for completely different reasons. For instance, Jeremy and Chris both met Shellee at a community Fourth of July picnic. Both were attracted to her because of a "special quality" they saw in her. To Jeremy, Shellee was special because she had lived in Colon, Panama, where he had grown up. In contrast, the special quality that Chris admired in her was her satirical sense of humor.

Physical attractiveness presents a special case of interpersonal attraction. Western society places great emphasis on having a pleasant physical appearance. Of course, looks aren't everything, but they do play an important role in attracting others. In fact, keeping your body up through eating healthful foods, working out, and getting adequate sleep has become an obsession in the 1990's. What is more, television and fashion magazines keep you up to date on what is in style so that your clothing can always be "in". Plastic surgery and cosmetic dental work, once options chosen mainly by the wealthy, are now widely used to achieve the look people want.

People with similar beliefs, values, and morals are more likely to enter into a relationship than those with dissimilar attitudes. For example, only in unusual circumstances will a religious person become romantically involved with an atheist, or a liberal Democrat develop an intimate relationship with an extremely conservative Republican. Instead, people are attracted to others who tend to think much as they do. A familiar saying suggests that opposites attract, but more often than not this is not true. At first you may be attracted to your opposite because that person has some qualities or characteristics that you lack. As time goes by, however, these differences may become a source of disagreement, representing a major conflict in your respective values, beliefs, and ideas. Although differences can be a source of interest for some couples, by and large, it is similar attitudes that bond individuals together, creating opportunities for relational stability.