From the Other Side of the Generation Gap

Contrary to the impression that grandmothers are delighted to help their grown daughters and care for their grandchildren, a study of multi-generational families indicates that many older women resent the frequent impositions of the younger generations on their time and energy.

Dr. Cohler is director of a study, sponsored by the National Institute on Aging, of 150 working-class families that live in a Midwestern suburb. He tells of a middle-aged Boston woman who works as a seamstress all week and for her parish on Sundays. Every Saturday, her one day off, her daughter and family visit, expecting Mother to make lunch, shop, and visit. "That's not how she wants to grow old," said Dr. Cohler, who was told by the older woman: "My daughter would never speak to me if she knew how mad I get."

The older women resented the numerous phone calls and visits from their grown daughters, who often turned to their mothers for advice, physical resources, affection, and companionship as well as baby-sitting services. Dr. Cohler said in an interview here. "They're still working and they're taking care of their grown children and maybe also their aged parents. Sometimes life gets to be too much. That's one reason many older folks move far away, to Florida or Arizona. They need more space and time to attend to their own affairs and friends. Young people don't understand this, and that's part of what creates tension between generations."

He has found that, older people have an enormous amount to do. "More than half of working-class grandmothers still work, and if they're retired they have activities in the community that keep them occupied," he said. "Each generation has got to appreciate the unique needs of the other," Dr. Cohler went on. "The younger generation has to realize that grandparents have busy, active lives and that they need privacy and more space for themselves. And the older generation has to realize that continuing to be part of the family is important to the younger generation and that they need help and support."