Making Friends at School

As a child's parents, you should be concerned about how your child makes friends at school.

However you define friendship, there is a key task your child must do in order to make friends: to learn to relate to others in a way that is acceptable to her friends and to their peers. There are two theories on how your child does that. One holds that she learns through her own experiences with children of her age, using trial and error to figure out what works best in attracting and keeping friends. The other holds that your child learns about friendship primarily by watching the adults that matter in her life, and seeing how they go about making new friends and dealing with current friends.

Some of the skills your child needs in order to make friends may seem obvious, such as smiling and knowing how to greet others and behave in a welcoming manner to them. But she also needs to know how to notice the feelings of others. She needs to be able to feel sorry for others when bad things happen to them, to let friends know she likes them by telling or showing them, and to say nice things to others when they have done something well. Besides, she also needs to know that she should have a sense of responsibility about her friendships, responding properly to friendly signs from others, and understanding their responses correctly. She needs to know how to ask permission before using another person's property, and how to request permission to leave the house or classroom.

In addition, be sure your child has proper clothes and hair styling for her age and in comparison to her classmates. It simply means that your child's style of dressing should generally fit in with that of her classmates. Furthermore, if your child is overweight, talk with her about it and then seek advice from your family physician about how to help your child move toward a healthier lifestyle. While you may be uncomfortable bringing up some of these issues, it will be better for your child if these are solved at home than if she is told about them on the playground.