Apologizing Art

It's never easy to admit you are in the wrong. Being human, we all need to know the art of apologizing. Look back with honesty and think how often you've judged roughly, said unkind things, pushed yourself ahead at the expense of a friend. Then count the occasions when you indicated clearly and truly that you were sorry. A bit frightening, isn't it? Frightening because some deep wisdom in us knows that when even a small wrong has been committed, some mysterious moral feeling is disturbed; and it stays out of balance until fault is acknowledged and regret expressed.

I remember a doctor friend, the late Clarence Lieb, telling me about a man who came to him with a variety of signs: headaches, insomnia and stomach trouble. No physical cause could be found. Finally Dr. Lieb said to the man, "Unless you tell me what's worrying you, I can't help you."

After some hesitation, the man confessed that, as executor of his father's will, he had been cheating his brother, who lived abroad, of his inheritance. Then and there the wise old doctor made the man write to his brother asking forgiveness and enclosing a check as the first step in restoring their good relation. He then went with him to the mailbox in the corridor. As the letter disappeared, the man burst into tears. "Thank you," he said, "I think I'm cured." And he was.

A heartfelt apology can not only heal a damaged relationship but also make it stronger. If you can think of someone who deserves an apology from you, someone you have wronged, or judged too roughly, or just neglected, do something about it right now.