The Changing Picture

Donna Barron

It's another evening in an American household.

The door swings open at 5:30 sharp. "Hi, honey! I'm home!" In walks dear old Dad, hungry and tired after a long day at the office. He is greeted by Mom in her apron, three happy children, and the aroma of a delicious pot roast.

After a leisurely meal together, Mom does the dishes. That, after all, is part of her job. The whole family then moves to the living room. There everyone spends the evening playing Scrabble or watching TV.

Then everyone is off to bed. And the next morning Dad and the kids wake up to the sounds and smells of Mom preparing pancakes and sausages for breakfast.

What? You say that doesn't sound like life in your house? Well, you're not alone. In fact, you're probably in the majority.

At one time in America, the above household might have been typical. You can still visit such a home—on television. Just watch reruns of old situation comedies. Leave it to Beaver, for example, shows Mom doing housework in pearls and high heels. Dad keeps his suit and tie on all weekend. But the families that operate like Beaver Cleaver's are fewer and fewer. They're disappearing because three parts of our lives have changed: the way we work, the way we eat, and the way we entertain ourselves. Becoming aware of the effects of those changes may help us improve family life.

Let's look first at the changes in the way we work. Today the words "Hi, honey! I'm home!" might not be spoken by dear old Dad. Dear old Mom is just as likely to be saying them. A generation ago, most households could get along on one paycheck—Dad 's. Mom stayed home, at least until the children started school. But today, over half the mothers with young children go to work. An even greater percentage of mothers of older children are in the workforce. And the number of single-parent homes has mushroomed in the last thirty years.

These changes in work have affected children as well as parents. When only Dad went out to work, children came home from school to Mom. (In TV situation comedies, they came home to Mom and home-baked cookies.) Today, we'll find them at an after-school program or a neighbor's house. Or they may come home to no one at all. In every community, children are caring for themselves until their parents return from work. Are these children missing out on an important part of childhood? Or are they developing a healthy sense of self-reliance? These are questions that Mrs. Cleaver never had to deal with.

In addition, Dad and now Mom are often gone from home longer than ever. Not too long ago, most men worked close to home. The office or factory was just downtown. Dad often walked to work or hitched a ride with a friendly neighbor. But no more.

Today's working men and women are commuters. They travel distances to work that would have made their parents gasp. Commutes of forty-five minutes or an hour are common. Workers travel on buses, subways, and crowded highways. Many leave their suburban homes at dawn and don't return until dark. No running home for lunch for today's commuter.

And speaking of lunch, there's been a second big change in American family life. If both parents are away from home for long hours, who's whipping up those delicious meals in the kitchen? The answer, more and more, is nobody.

These days, few people have time to shop for and prepare "home-style" meals. The Cleavers were used to dinners of pot roast or chicken. Potatoes, salad, and vegetables went with the main course, with pie or cake for dessert. But this kind of meal takes several hours to fix. People can't spend hours in the kitchen if they get home at 5:30.

So what do working families eat? They choose meals that are easy to prepare or are already prepared. Fast food, takeout, and heat-and-serve dishes make up much of the modern American diet. Dad may arrive home with a bag of Big Macs and shakes. Mom may phone out for Chinese food or ask the local pizza parlor to deliver. And more and more people rely on microwaves to thaw frozen food in minutes.

One consequence of these quickly prepared meals is that families spend less time dining together. And classic fast foods, like hamburgers and fries, are meant to be eaten on the run, not slowly enjoyed at the dinner table. The modern family no longer shares the evening meal. As a result, it no longer shares the day's news … or the feeling of togetherness.

Finally, what about after dinner? Is the family evening at least something the Cleavers could relate to?

Not a chance.

We don't have to look outside the home to see the changes. The modern American family entertains itself in ways the Cleavers would never have dreamed of.

Thirty years ago, families gathered around a radio each evening. Later, television took over. Most families had just one set, which they watched together. Today, television and computers bring a dizzying array of entertainment into the home. Cable television provides everything from aerobics classes to Shakespeare. VCRs expand the choices even more. If there's nothing good on network TV or cable, the video store offers the best and worst of Hollywood: recent movies, cartoons, "adult" films, exercise programs, travel, sports, how-to tapes. Computer games, which make viewers part of the action, also provide excitement. Players can compete in the Olympics, search out aliens, or wipe out entire civilizations on their little screens.

With all these choices, it makes sense to own more than one television set. The two-or-more-TV family used to be rare. Nowadays. Dad might want to rent an action movie when Mom's cable shopping service is on. Or Junior is playing a let 's-blow-up-Saturn video game while Sis wants to see The Simpsons. Why not invest in several sets? Then each family member can enjoy himself or herself in peace.

What's wrong with this picture of today's family?

Only this. Today's Cleavers spend their evenings in front of their separate TV screens. Then they go to bed. The next morning, they rush off to their separate jobs (work and school). They come home at separate times. They eat separately. Finally, they return to their separate TV screens for another evening's entertainment. During all these times, when do they talk to each other or even see each other? When are they a family?

Certain realities of modern life cannot change. One is the need, in most families, for both parents to bring home a paycheck. Another is the distance many of us must travel to work or to school. But must everything change? And must we lose the family structure in the process?

No one is suggesting that we go back to the 1950s. The Cleaver household was a fantasy even then, not reality. But we might borrow one important lesson from the Cleavers. It is that family life is just as important as work or play. If we agree, we'll find ways of spending more time together. We'll find things to share. And then there will be something right with the picture.