Marriage and Romance

If you are asked, "Why do people marry?" you may answer in anger or surprise. The question seems silly because it is only too natural for people to get married. Divorce, that is, when people end their marriage, on the other hand, is something that should be given serious attention. Yet marriage goes before it as a rule.

Why do people marry? People divorce often, as can be seen by the rising divorce rate in the U.S. and elsewhere. But they remarry soon enough after they divorce. Now many of them divorce at a much younger age than before. It is also found that the young have a big share of divorce. But what many sociologists find difficult to understand is that they seem to be more eager to rush into marriage than get out of it.

In the old days there was every reason to marry young—especially among the working class. In Chinese communities, unmarried men and women seemed to be disadvantaged in many ways. Women were in a more difficult position than men since in earlier times, girls were not allowed to be educated. They also did not enjoy social freedom. In the past, women who were not "married off" before they turned 30 were considered to be a problem or a worry for the family. They might have to remain with their families as they could not find jobs, and thus were unable to support themselves. For men, they often led an unpleasant or uncomfortable life as they did not have a wife to do the sewing, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the husband and children. In those days, the family was the cornerstone of society. Both sexes needed marriage far more than now.

Is marriage something that people cannot do without? It could be a convenience which people seek. For this reason we find people marrying more than ever and earlier. But is it just convenience that people are after? Why do we find people marrying more than ever and earlier? Why are the young falling so much in love? Why do they show so much attention to each other before marriage? Has the desire for love become so important that people have to marry earlier?

Many sociologists believe that the material conveniences that are provided by modem appliances such as refrigerators and washing machines reduce the usefulness of marriage. But such conveniences have also weakened the bonds of family life. Though we seem to be meeting more people, our relationships are few. We are close to crowds but we feel more alone than before. One feels lonely in the midst of crowds. It is just like being at a party where, when left alone, one would feel some sort of emptiness. All of a sudden, one is living in a world one does not understand. Thus one feels the need for somebody that one can be close to! Then one can share body and soul.

So this is the promise of marriage. Movies, songs, romance and TV all show a "normal" person must love and therefore marry. As it is, love and marriage are closely connected with each other. The desire for love makes people eager to get married.

In the family, children are told that "love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage". They feel that it is only too natural to get married. But alas, nothing could be less so. Love has delighted and worried us. In real life, love and marriage may not go together. Love can be described as a restless horse which would run away, refusing to be put under control. In the end it overturns the carriage. When love runs away the result is a failed marriage. But did it ever occur to us that we can and should keep the horse under control? Once we are in charge of love, it can be with us for the rest of our lives.