Emotions are an essential part of our nature and may be either helpful or destructive depending on how we deal with them.

Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, contends that emotional intelligence, or EQ, is more important than IQ in a person's ability to be successful and happy.

It's widely known that emotions can empower people or drive them up a wall. When you can't get through to that special someone, your emotions tie you up in knots and you feel powerless. Getting a handle on those feelings, then being able to use alternative behaviors, is the beginning of EQ.

We all have emotions—even your partner, who appears stone-faced and unruffled by crisis. Identifying a specific emotion at the time you're having it is the basis of EQ.

Take jealousy, for example. Remember that time your partner spent so much extra time with that tall blonde at your best friend's party? When you mentioned it, he got angry and yelled: "You're always so jealous! You have to learn to trust me." He made you feel so foolish—like an insecure little girl—and you vowed you would never be jealous again.

It doesn't work that way. Jealousy is only a symptom, and trust isn't the issue. Fear is. Until you figure out what you're afraid of, you'll find yourself on that merry-go-round again and again. So sit down and analyze why you feel so fearful about the attentions your significant someone shines on sultry sisters.

Some fears are obvious. Will he find someone else more attractive? If he finds someone more attractive, will he leave you? If he leaves you, what will you do? We stay in unhappy or destructive relationships and jobs for far longer than is emotionally healthy because we fear change. And we don't trust ourselves to make the right decisions.

Goleman says emotionally literate people have learned how to express their emotions at the right time and place and in the right way. They' re also aware of how their emotions affect others, keeping the focus on cooperation instead of competition or compliance.