Prior to age 11, children tend to tell their parents what's on their minds—in fact, parents are first on the list, says Michael Riera, author of Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers. "This completely reverses during the teen years," Riera explains. "They talk to their friends first, then maybe their teachers or counselors and their parents last."

Parents who do know what's going on in their children's lives are in the best position to help them. In a three-year study of more than 20,000 adolescents, Laurence Steinberg, Professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia and author of You and Your Adolescent, found that teens who shared details of their daily lives with parents were less likely to have trouble with schoolwork or get involved with drugs or alcohol.

Yet more and more parents have a tough time connecting with their teenagers. Here are seven steps for parents who want to break down the walls of silence:

Create a "listening climate." "It's not natural for teenagers to want to sit down and talk," says Dr. Candace Erickson, a behavioral and developmental pediatrician and New York City's Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center. "You have to make it seem natural for them." The key, she adds, is to create an ongoing "listening climate" in your home. "This way, when teens have something important to discuss, coming to you with the problem will seem like an ordinary thing to do."

One of the best ways to achieve this is to set aside special time with your teenager on a regular basis. Nancy Pistorius of Lawrence, Kan., says that makes all the difference in her relationship with her 13-year-old daughter, Alyssa. "She and I go out for lunch sometimes, or to the theater. And we have 'adventures' together, like one recent Sunday when we attended a painting workshop."

Dinner is an important—but often overlooked—opportunity for shared family time. According to the Families and Work Institute, a nonprofit research organization, nearly one in five teenagers rarely or never eats dinner with his or her parents.

"It sounds too simple, but according to the thousands of kids I've worked with over 26 years, this really does make a difference," says Nancy Rubin, a schoolteacher in Marin, Calif., and author of Ask Me If I Care: Voices from an American High School, "Just the fact that their parents are interested in what they have to say every night at dinner gives them a feeling of being respected."